So it’s about time you lot knew what I’ve been up to the last few years behind the scenes. Those who know me very well know I’ve been doing deep and painful work. Counselling, CBT, prayer ministry and life coaching.
Niche sounds like a diluted word, a word that cannot possibly encompass everything I’ve been through.
And yet niche is where I am. Because I’m better. Finally I know who I am.
All because of my fierce determination to be better, to feel better and to haul my own ass out of depression and the slavery that a negative perfectionist mindset does to you.
I’m Lizzie and I had BIG pendulum shame issues. At least I used to. Now I’m much kinder to myself. Now I’m just a fierce woman who roars and lives each day to the full, in the identity that God set out for me.
Did you know I wasn’t happy? Did you look in my too bright smile and see something in my eyes that gave me away? Was it the hangover, or the exhaustion of motherhood, or something else that you saw?
Or did you fall for it?
As a kid I hid every little feeling away, I buried my emotions way down.
I remember moving from Shaftesbury and a lovely school and friends to Yeovil and a not so lovely school. The friends were great, but I was grieving for my old life and I hid it. I didn’t know I was hiding it, I was a kid! But I did know that in my family you grin and get on with it.
Depression just wasn’t known about back then, my parents knew I wasn’t settling into our new lives as well as they’d hoped, but nothing more than that.
Sometimes it would get too much and bubble over, into fits of tears or frustration.
Suppress, conceal, don’t feel
When I hit adulthood I found a new way to hide my feelings, alcopops! Alcohol provided a much needed relief from having to work so hard at it too, alcohol did all the work for me and I could just sit back and enjoy!
Thankfully Hooch and Reef were all the rage, drinking a bottle like it was squash was the norm so I was in good company and I thought I could finally let my hair down and ‘be myself’.
What I didn’t realise was I was using alcohol to suppress my emotions. Rather than being happy, I was just happy for the night and crushing lows reliably accompanied my amazing highs.
I was also feeding depression, anger, jealousy and my weight and health fluctuated wildly. All of which affected my mental health. But conveniently I didn’t link excessive ‘ladette’culture with my bad attitude to work and life. Surely I was just having fun?
Fast forward to today, I am quite honestly a different person. A woman who gets her contentment from God, not from things or people. I laugh big belly laughs until I cry.
A person who prides herself in working hard, with determination and with a vision and goals. I hope this blog will help you too. I’ve been through it, I can help.
I’ll be writing very different content from now on, so hold on to your britches because my truth might prod you too.
If this is for you, please stay, if not I won’t be offended if you click away.
This is my story. My niche, is ‘grow where you are planted’ (for me that is Somerset) and personal growth in faith. This blog is aimed at women who want a better future for themselves and those around them.