Vulnerability and the Machine

Vulnerability and the machine (all will become clear). Vulnerability is something I know alot about.

When I first heard Brene Brown was a Vulnerability and Shame Researcher I thought it was a made up job.  Why do we need to know about shame and what can we learn from it?

I thought the journey I was on with vulnerability and coming out of my shell was a one woman show.  Things I needed to go through, to metamorphasise, to face up to, to enable me to be born again as a butterfly.

We all feel shame

That was deep, deep work. Please don’t underestimated how many tears I’ve cried to get where I am today.

Gratitude sounds so fluffy doesn’t it? But it brought me back to life.

To hear that millions of people feel the same shame; different story, same shame? That was staggering to me.

To learn that someone studies this and it’s a crucial part of living wholehearted lives? To learn that grappling with our truth can be life changing? That is as astounding to me today as it was 2 years ago.

Speaking my truth

Being a blogger (or blagger as some like to call us, nice huh) is a true example of vulnerability.  I have shared deep and dark things only to be met with silence.  I have shared hopes, dreams and joys and heard nothing in return.

I will celebrate with you.. will you celebrate with me?

It’s the reason I’ve turned off my comments.  Not because I don’t want to hear from you, but because I invited you in and you said nope. Did it stop me writing? I’ll be honest, some days it did.  I’d hoped you would take me to your heart, and instead you’ve taken my best bits, implemented them into your own life and never uttered a word.

I’m not saying this to be bitter, wherever I can I choose to be cheerful.  I am simply speaking my truth as I see it and choosing joy.  Every. Single. Time.

What I choose to choose

I can choose to let this truth stop me in my tracks, interfere with my joy or;

I can choose to be grateful.

I can choose to be happy.

I can choose to put my family first.

I can choose to keep working hard towards my goals.

And that is what I will choose.  Every. Single. Time.

AND I can find my tribe.  The people who get me, what I’m trying to work towards (which is AWESOME btw) and support me no matter what.  My tribe is small, granted.  But I love each one of them fiercely.

When I feel vulnerable it’s like I’m cornered, not in control, open to personal attack and judgment.  And yes, some people to choose to use what I say against me or stay silent when they could encourage.  You know what? That’s completely their choice.

I choose not to attack.

I choose forgiveness.

I choose not to stay silent.

I choose to encourage others, even when they don’t encourage in return.

No, it’s not easy.

Controlling my own reactions

But when it comes down to it, all I can control is my own attitude and my reactions.

To everyone who engages, I am so grateful.  To my 2,000 subscribers, thank you for reading each and every time. Thank you so much for engaging on Instagram and especially my Instagram Stories.

in 2015 Florence and the Machine performed on the Graham Norton show.  Florence had hurt her foot but I didn’t know that until after I watched her perform. It was also the first interview she’d done sat on the sofa  Watch the clip, it’s the true meaning of vulnerability and it’s what I’m bringing to the table.

Florence taught me, that I may be nervous and hurt and unsure.  But I can still smash it.  I can still sing (or in my case, write).

I may be hurt, but I can still sing, and as God is my witness, I will sing with everything I’ve got.

 

 

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