The blogger I am

I’m not a pro blogger, I don’t have reams of email lists I can send newsletters to.  After nearly 5 years of blogging I’ve realised that the blogger I am does not match up at all the worlds version of what a blogger should be.

When I had the realisation, during our holiday to Marjoca whilst researching dyspraxia which possibly runs in my family, I realised that is is quite possible that I have dyspraxia myself.

I came across The Two Dyspraxics blog and Facebook page and I recognised a lot of the situations that are typical for someone with dyspraxia that resonated with my own experience both at school and beyond.

When I was around 9 the problems really started, I didn’t know how to tell the time, or tie my shoelaces and I found riding my bike really tricky.  I’m still bad with balance at times and my core is really weak.

It’s both a relief to know and hard to take.  All  of my learning difficulties were missed, how could everyone miss them?  But we are so much more aware these days of learning difficulties.

I remember feeling so ashamed when I just didn’t ‘get’ something that other people found simple.

My teachers frustration was real, I would totally get it one day, and the next I would have to relearn it all over again.

I wrote a post on Instagram yesterday about the sheer length of a ‘to do’ list for each and every blog post. It’s insane how much work goes into running a successful blog and I for one, don’t think bloggers get half the recognition they deserve for changing the face of media.

There are so many elements to creating, writing, SEO’ing, Social Media’ing, promoting, PR, negotiations, connecting with bloggers, reading blogs, commenting on blogs.  I have at times been so overwhelmed with it all.

The blogger I am, is very determined though.  I’ve kept going and plugging away throughout.  I never thought when I started I would still be doing this 5 years later.  Most hobbies as a child were picked up and discarded in frustration after my fingers just wouldn’t move in the way I wanted them to.

I tried lace making, lino cutting, raffia making, watercolour painting, clarinet, trumpet, ice skating, ballet and tap.

Some were more successful than others and some last longer than others, but each fell away in the end.  Leaving me wondering if there was ever going to be anything I could do excellently.

Working so hard on this blog has taught me so much, in that I am quite relieved I didn’t know I had dyspraxia before I started it.  I have achieved so much in the 5 years I’ve run this space, I am known in the blogosphere and in Somerset, people invite me to events and send me items to review.  We’ve had a holiday and opened up my eyes to the beauty of life and my county.

I’ve taken the half term to truly think about what kind of blogger I am.  Since I’m not a pro blogger I have no need to have an email list or a newsletter, so why stress about it?  Learning each aspect is really hard for me.  It’s almost easier for me to learn one big thing, rather than lots of little things.

I have no need to run a linky to attract more readers and strengthen my site with their lovely backlinks.  Running City Country Life and then Share the Joy took me hours a week.  Learning how to run a linky might seem easy to some, but for someone with dyspraxia I found it really frustrating not to know why something so easy just wouldn’t stay in my brain.  And a linky requires more than 12 bloggers to link up to it every week.

I am a blogger who loves to write, when the to do list is overwhelming I just stop writing.  So I’m going to do this a different way from now on.  I’m going to write.  I’m going to write about what I want, faith, family, hope, mental health awareness, personal growth, maybe food, maybe not.

I know it’s good for readers to know where they are with you so they trust you as a blogger, so I want you to trust me and understand why you will be never know what is next.  You can be confident in me that ALL of my blog posts will be from my own thinking, from the heart and that I will not spam you with emails.

I’ve always wanted this to be a space of oasis and calm, and it can’t be that if I’m manically trying to do all the things behind the scenes.

Although the blog may seem inconsistent to some, I ebb and flow as a human being, and so do you!  Therefore, this space of mine needs to go with the waves in order to truly work for me and my family, and therefore for you, my beloved reader.




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